NEXT stop NaGoYa JAPAN!!

hahah finally i finished my exams!!
time to prep myself for my trip.
To work hard for support and to really pray to God abt many things!!
1st stop, to raise my support for mission trip
i'm now at 1/3 raised still have another $2K more to go!! but i know God will provide!! So i'll see how God will help me loh!!

tt's all for now!! will update more on mission trip REAL soon!
nite nite!!

A break from Stress

hahha taking a break from studies for tonight.

After 3 papers in 2 days!! Tough!!
Had a nice day in church. as usual Din pay much attention to sermon or worship!!
Was told by fel tt i need to be mary and not martha!!
I know tt lah!! so many times already, God trying to tell me tt!!
Shall work on worhsipping him is spirit n in truth 1st!!

i saw miss K yeasterday!! After my 1st paper on friday, i thought i might meet her along the way out of the exam hall. Initially, i tot i caught a glimsp of her(actually is her bag), she was inside a life, doors closing.

i took the stairs. On my way down actaully i was keeping a lookout for her. But i tell meself, if it's fated then we will somehow meet again!! Then later at the canteen i really see her! She gave me a smile, which means she is ok, or maybe she just try to be polite (as i know she would). I got her a drink as she "da pao" back to her hall to eat wif, ya tt guy which hangs out with her!!

This time i really want to care for her, as a sister!! I wasn't affected by any reaction she might have!! or what will she think about my action!! After my lunch, i had some spare time, i took out the bible and read a short passage as i'm trying to read thru the bible! started off from Joshua since march. Now i'm at 1st samuel!

The part where hanna is praying to God for a child as she was "suan" (aka irritate) by the other wife that Elkanah had. When Eli the priest mistook her for being drunk, she replied: (1 sam 1:15-16)

"I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

then Eli replied:(v17)
"Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."

This verse is like talking to me!!
i had been griefing for too long, my prayers seems to be filled with anguish, abt myself, the stuff i did, for myself even rushing the process of wanting to advance into relationship but not building on firendship. i'm filled with grief not able to let it go!! i kept asking God, "so how when will it end?" (read my previous post for evidence)

Well i guess God answered what i had been asking for a long time!!
GO IN PEACE!! haha Peace is what i need!!
Finally i think i had let go of a major amount of this issue, i dunno when the next wave of emotion will come (hope it wun come at all) Pray tt God will just bring the girl, the helper in my life journey with god, in his own time!!

Waiting is all i can do!!HAHAHA
Time to start revision!! Thanks for reading such a LOONNNNGGG post!!
Hahaha...

Double Blow again

haiz... God, God, God!!
i think you are trying to let me know tt i need to work hard is it??
Had an ultra bad presentation just now!!

Felt like SHIT again!! Lost confidence again in studies again!
Maybe coming to nus IS an error all in all!!
Maybe the leasson that God trying to drive home is to teach me to handle my emotions!! i really dunno, once again emotion made me feel like puking.

The dissapointment in life seems greater then the joy!!
i dunno how will i score for this module!!!
Everyone puts in effort but yet in the end i think everyone is dissappointed on how it just turned out!! Haiz...

i dunno all over again!!
i'm lost all over again!!
Have i been depending too much on my results, but who is not affected by how their results turned out!! i just felt lost and loose moral all over again.
Exams are on in 3 days!! do i have time to complain... I guess not!!!

God, God have you forsaken me? Samson in the bible faces trouble like cheated by the philistine of his wife, and he killed a lot of philistine as a result. How can all tt i read be related to my life today?

Heartache, headache, lost all confidence!!
God is it time to surrender all!!

Opps i did it again!!

Haiz... why am i such a stubborn cow!!
I send an email to miss k telling her things like "ok thanks for blocking me on msn, and not replying my sms!" and things like "i guess the next time we meet might be in heaven!, Goodbye! i'll try to dissapear from you life!!"

haiz i sort of regret it now!! but what to do it's a sent mail, i can't take it back!! Well, i dunno every now and then when i'm alone i will think why in the world i sent that mail!! it looks like i just racked the friendship and not i had made it that clear that we can't even be friends anymore!

God can you just let this event get done and over with??
What is it that you want to squeeze me out in this ordeal!!
Exams are just ard the corner!! i need to conc on revision, but yet i'm so SO SO affected by this. Am i suppose to get more C and D in my grade and not able to get that "blessings" that you want to grant me??

What in the world am i here for??
Why no one seems to like me??
How come i always feel like i'm a burden to others!!
Why am i always the person to cause hurt to other!
When will all these end?
God.... DO I SOUND LIKE I'M COMPLAINING TO YOU???
but i just need the JOY, the BLESSINGS and that ABUNDANT life that you PROMISED to give me!!

i can't feel it now, i just feel sucky, feel lonely, feel like crap!!
I'm tired and really at wit's end!
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Can it end now?

The last day of school

07.00am: Wake up

07.30am: Travel to school

09.00am: Reach school trying to get the video for presentation and service rite!

10.00am: Lecture start!! Complained that lecture is late!!

11.00am: Lecture ends, although it shd ends at 12am.
Saw miss K and beside her is another guy (known as her better guy firends)
Dunno why but i felt affected by her again!!
Saw her in the carpark in nus taking picture with a mini cooper(her dream car)

12.00pm: Final lecture of the sem starts (Financial accounting)

13.00pm: Break time for lecture, within the hour kept looking over at her direction.
Fighting hard to maintain focus on the lecture instead of her!

14.00pm: Lecture finally ended, i guess wun be seeing her again till maybe next sem!
Still affected by her. But lesser

14.30pm: Went to look for a free tutorial room as we are doing presentation practice
Slack ard with my laptop.

17.00pm: Start presentation pratice
18.30pm: Finanacial Accounting make up Tutorial starts
Managed to grab the potato salad from Biz canteen, YUM!!

20.30pm: Tutorial ended, my final lesson in business, kinda sad but what to do.
Making my way home from school

22.00pm: Reach tampines mrt not yet home.

22.30pm: Start to review the video to make it better.
Planning for worship 2mr morn!!
At this point, i'm still affected by Miss K!!
Talked to a few ppl on msn abt this feeling as i dun like to keep it in
Dunno why i feel super duper down. No mood for other things.

01.45am: Went to bed!! Last day of school for this sem ended

AARRGGGHHH

Sometimes just wish that i can scream out LOUD!!!
Am i stressed??

A few sisters in my says i am!!
During chior pratice i do funny things, being affect by a lot of things in my life!!
haiz... got my control test, another failure 6.5/20!! but i'm just slightly affected by it, coz i know i really deserve tt mark. A lot of questions i dunno how to do!!

I'm a child of God that is always affected by results!! I always compare things. Kimmy once tell me before not to compare things. YA i know tt is one of the worst habit that i ever had!! Only God can take that away!!

Maybe i shd make it as a mission trip objective, learn to compare less. And to really see God's wonderful ways and method in bringing someone to Christ. Very often i envy those ppl how help someone to come to Christ!! Envy abt how other ppl can score better in exams with little effort. Envy this envy that.. Haiz sad but true!!

Many many little problems in my life still need God to polish!!
But 1 thing i see improving, is my heart of materialism. Recently i really din see money as a major issue and affecting my life!! hahaha these days problems on relationship will bug my heart!!

ok i think need to get back to revision for Exams!!
Jai you RJ!!, Dun SLACK!!

Friend of God

Who am i that u are mindful of me.

That u hear me

When i call

Is it true that u r thinking of me

How u love me

It 's amazing

God Almighty

Lord of Glory

U have called me friend

I am a friend of God

I am a friend of God

U call me friend

Long due blogging

Had not been blogging for a long time!
for all those who had been faithfully checking, thanks and sorry coz recently really really busy!!

Life is busy but there are a few incident worth to memtion.

The 1st incident happen yesterday.
i forwarded a sms to eliz, it was something on not working so hard and being anxious abt living and eating. well she felt offended by the message!! i intended to encourage her but it turned out to discourage her!! haiz.. then i felt sad for the whole evening!! and thinking i shd really use the Word of God in proper manner, cater to each person need, send them meaningful verse that God can use to bless them!

2nd was today!
finally submitted my 3001 report!! but there is also a presentation to get busy with!! somehow today i'm very affected by miss K again!!! haha i had not totally let go! well need to pray more (which i didn't pray much these few days!) it seems like when i'm not close to God things like tt will happen!! i need God but yet i dun seek God!! Funny but then God knows la, he even gave a verse in the bible

v15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
v16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
v17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
Romans 7: 15-18

haiz life goes on!!

Daily Guild to Happiness

Daily Guild to Happiness

PRAY: It is the greatest power on earth

LOVE: It is God-given privilege

READ: It is the foundation of wisdom

THINK: It is the source of power

FRIENDLY: It is the road to happiness

GIVE: It is too short a day to be selfish

PLAY: It is the secret of perpetual youth

LAUGH: It is the music of the soul

WORK: It is the price of success

SAVE: It is the secret of security

Source: from a friend from mulitply