Back to singapore and the normal life!

Well after a 25 days mission trip, finally back to singapore!
I feel like there is more i can do in japan as i really feel i did not contribute much in my trip in japan. Till now i still not too sure why God had allowed me to go over to japan. What are the lessons that he wants me to go thru? How did he actually used me to bless the campus in Chukyo! i really not sure.

Still seeking the Lord on to see if it is his calling for me to go back again next year!! I guess my objective of learning to be fun in ministry had been sort of achieve. From what Joyce (the staff in charge of chukyo campus) always tell us when we go for street Evangelism, "JUST GO AND HAVE FUN TALKING TO THE JAPANESE!"

well i didn't know that just talking to people can be so much fun. witnessing with her seems to be more joy then stress. And i guess the key in having joy in service is really to look at how much God had bless you instead of looking at the stuff that God had not bless you with!

well i guess there is much more lessons to learn after the mission trip!! i'm quite looking forward what God had install for me ahead of my life.

Love you Jesus,
Miss you japanese friends!! (Esp shuubo and Eri)

what's next?

It had been a long time i had blog...
life is kinda getting back to normal, preparing for my mission trip.
Love my team, they are so fun loving and so nice poeple.
Although we just met for 2 sessions since exams ended, but it seem like we are starting to gel as a team, talking and joking.... yesterday at sandra's place we have japanese curry and it's cooked my one of our tripper, Sister SANDRA!! So blessed!!

Another thanksgiving will be my support raising!! i've raise more the enuf for the trip!! so far my status is at $3800 but i only need to raise $3000. Praise God for his abundance grace and mercy!! For giving me so much excess on my financial support!! Next i'll need to raise more prayer support!!

ya recently i'm starting to feel the stress as my exams results will be out soon!!
like on my 1st day in japan, My results is out!! dunno how will i fare in the paper, hope i wun see something like what i see last sem!! On top of that i had to decide on my FYP project before 20th. but i'm still very blur on what i want to specialise and what my future will be!! well trust in the Lord tt might be the lesson that God always want to teach me!

NEXT stop NaGoYa JAPAN!!

hahah finally i finished my exams!!
time to prep myself for my trip.
To work hard for support and to really pray to God abt many things!!
1st stop, to raise my support for mission trip
i'm now at 1/3 raised still have another $2K more to go!! but i know God will provide!! So i'll see how God will help me loh!!

tt's all for now!! will update more on mission trip REAL soon!
nite nite!!

A break from Stress

hahha taking a break from studies for tonight.

After 3 papers in 2 days!! Tough!!
Had a nice day in church. as usual Din pay much attention to sermon or worship!!
Was told by fel tt i need to be mary and not martha!!
I know tt lah!! so many times already, God trying to tell me tt!!
Shall work on worhsipping him is spirit n in truth 1st!!

i saw miss K yeasterday!! After my 1st paper on friday, i thought i might meet her along the way out of the exam hall. Initially, i tot i caught a glimsp of her(actually is her bag), she was inside a life, doors closing.

i took the stairs. On my way down actaully i was keeping a lookout for her. But i tell meself, if it's fated then we will somehow meet again!! Then later at the canteen i really see her! She gave me a smile, which means she is ok, or maybe she just try to be polite (as i know she would). I got her a drink as she "da pao" back to her hall to eat wif, ya tt guy which hangs out with her!!

This time i really want to care for her, as a sister!! I wasn't affected by any reaction she might have!! or what will she think about my action!! After my lunch, i had some spare time, i took out the bible and read a short passage as i'm trying to read thru the bible! started off from Joshua since march. Now i'm at 1st samuel!

The part where hanna is praying to God for a child as she was "suan" (aka irritate) by the other wife that Elkanah had. When Eli the priest mistook her for being drunk, she replied: (1 sam 1:15-16)

"I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

then Eli replied:(v17)
"Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."

This verse is like talking to me!!
i had been griefing for too long, my prayers seems to be filled with anguish, abt myself, the stuff i did, for myself even rushing the process of wanting to advance into relationship but not building on firendship. i'm filled with grief not able to let it go!! i kept asking God, "so how when will it end?" (read my previous post for evidence)

Well i guess God answered what i had been asking for a long time!!
GO IN PEACE!! haha Peace is what i need!!
Finally i think i had let go of a major amount of this issue, i dunno when the next wave of emotion will come (hope it wun come at all) Pray tt God will just bring the girl, the helper in my life journey with god, in his own time!!

Waiting is all i can do!!HAHAHA
Time to start revision!! Thanks for reading such a LOONNNNGGG post!!
Hahaha...

Double Blow again

haiz... God, God, God!!
i think you are trying to let me know tt i need to work hard is it??
Had an ultra bad presentation just now!!

Felt like SHIT again!! Lost confidence again in studies again!
Maybe coming to nus IS an error all in all!!
Maybe the leasson that God trying to drive home is to teach me to handle my emotions!! i really dunno, once again emotion made me feel like puking.

The dissapointment in life seems greater then the joy!!
i dunno how will i score for this module!!!
Everyone puts in effort but yet in the end i think everyone is dissappointed on how it just turned out!! Haiz...

i dunno all over again!!
i'm lost all over again!!
Have i been depending too much on my results, but who is not affected by how their results turned out!! i just felt lost and loose moral all over again.
Exams are on in 3 days!! do i have time to complain... I guess not!!!

God, God have you forsaken me? Samson in the bible faces trouble like cheated by the philistine of his wife, and he killed a lot of philistine as a result. How can all tt i read be related to my life today?

Heartache, headache, lost all confidence!!
God is it time to surrender all!!

Opps i did it again!!

Haiz... why am i such a stubborn cow!!
I send an email to miss k telling her things like "ok thanks for blocking me on msn, and not replying my sms!" and things like "i guess the next time we meet might be in heaven!, Goodbye! i'll try to dissapear from you life!!"

haiz i sort of regret it now!! but what to do it's a sent mail, i can't take it back!! Well, i dunno every now and then when i'm alone i will think why in the world i sent that mail!! it looks like i just racked the friendship and not i had made it that clear that we can't even be friends anymore!

God can you just let this event get done and over with??
What is it that you want to squeeze me out in this ordeal!!
Exams are just ard the corner!! i need to conc on revision, but yet i'm so SO SO affected by this. Am i suppose to get more C and D in my grade and not able to get that "blessings" that you want to grant me??

What in the world am i here for??
Why no one seems to like me??
How come i always feel like i'm a burden to others!!
Why am i always the person to cause hurt to other!
When will all these end?
God.... DO I SOUND LIKE I'M COMPLAINING TO YOU???
but i just need the JOY, the BLESSINGS and that ABUNDANT life that you PROMISED to give me!!

i can't feel it now, i just feel sucky, feel lonely, feel like crap!!
I'm tired and really at wit's end!
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Can it end now?

The last day of school

07.00am: Wake up

07.30am: Travel to school

09.00am: Reach school trying to get the video for presentation and service rite!

10.00am: Lecture start!! Complained that lecture is late!!

11.00am: Lecture ends, although it shd ends at 12am.
Saw miss K and beside her is another guy (known as her better guy firends)
Dunno why but i felt affected by her again!!
Saw her in the carpark in nus taking picture with a mini cooper(her dream car)

12.00pm: Final lecture of the sem starts (Financial accounting)

13.00pm: Break time for lecture, within the hour kept looking over at her direction.
Fighting hard to maintain focus on the lecture instead of her!

14.00pm: Lecture finally ended, i guess wun be seeing her again till maybe next sem!
Still affected by her. But lesser

14.30pm: Went to look for a free tutorial room as we are doing presentation practice
Slack ard with my laptop.

17.00pm: Start presentation pratice
18.30pm: Finanacial Accounting make up Tutorial starts
Managed to grab the potato salad from Biz canteen, YUM!!

20.30pm: Tutorial ended, my final lesson in business, kinda sad but what to do.
Making my way home from school

22.00pm: Reach tampines mrt not yet home.

22.30pm: Start to review the video to make it better.
Planning for worship 2mr morn!!
At this point, i'm still affected by Miss K!!
Talked to a few ppl on msn abt this feeling as i dun like to keep it in
Dunno why i feel super duper down. No mood for other things.

01.45am: Went to bed!! Last day of school for this sem ended